Friday, May 20, 2011

It sucks but it doesn't

I'm just gonna get straight to the point, Ethan and I broke up. It hurts. We're still friends and whatnot but on nights like this (when I have nothing to do), it's easier to sulk about it then to think of the positive sides.

And there are positive sides to it. I am going to work on my self-confidence, or lack of, and try to stop hating things and people in general. It's not healthy. And Ethan is also going to work on his insecurities.

We'll probably get back together at the end of the summer -which for me is too long of a wait, but I'll live.

I didn't want to break up with him nearly as much as I thought I did. The only reason I thought I wanted to was because I knew it was necessary. I'm just glad that I still have him in my life and that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. I want to change myself so that we can look at each other in similar ways to before, but also in new ways that will make the gushy moments of staring deeply into each other's eyes even more gushy.

Thursday, May 5, 2011


       I see bullying everyday –more with words than anything, but it is there and it does happen. We’re all told not to bully and we have been reminded several times to treat others the way we want to be treated. But who does that? How many of you do that? I know I have not made that a priority in my life. Bullying affects everybody; whether you are being bullied, you are the bully, or you are a bystander.
            How many times have you heard of a bully that was alone when they tormented another child? Without an audience, they have no purpose. Bullies are never alone. There are three types of bystanders: 1. Friends of the bully, 2. Friends of the victim, 3. someone who was walking by or happened to be in the same place. It doesn’t matter what category you fall into. How do you feel after standing and watching? It can’t possibly feel good knowing that you’ve done nothing. Your silence hurts more than imaginable, and it hurts everyone.
            Which brings up the question, what does being a bully do to a person? You’d be surprised by how exactly it affects someone when they pick on or beat up someone else –especially when they’re children. People who bully can experience major problems with relationships. Whether they are very insecure or they show aggressive behaviors, they are not always stable enough for a healthy and functional relationship. If the one person you are gaga over has a knack for terrorizing people’s feelings, you may want to rethink some things. Also, studies show that people who bully at young ages are later convicted of crimes in their adult life.
Finally, what does being bullied do to a child? Some kids have the ability to brush things off and say, “It doesn’t matter.” But what about the kids that can’t do that?  What are they supposed to do? They never know what to do or why they were chosen to be a victim. It breaks my heart to know that children, and people in our age group, have the ability to take their own lives. And some people do kill themselves, some people not only become depressed and scared but they start to believe that they are better off dead. Six year-olds have actually killed themselves. Do you remember what you were doing at age six? I imagine that none of you were attempting to end your own life –you’re all here today.  
            Jared High was a fun-loving kid before he was bullied. He was the assistant coach for his school’s baseball team. One day when Jared was leaving practice another boy –who had been teasing him- followed him into the school gym. He threw Jared on the floor and began to beat him up, kicking him relentlessly. All of the bystanders were friends of the bully –nobody helped. The principal of Jared’s school ruled it as a fight, but it was more than that. Jared’s mother, Brenda, quickly noticed that Jared was no longer a happy kid. Jared became more depressed each and every day leading up to the day he shot himself. The morning of, Jared and his mom argued about Jared going to school that day; his mom had to go to work and ended up letting Jared stay home. She said later that she would have never gone to work if she had any idea of what he was going to do.
~video clip~ (I had to condense it, so I was only able to show from 5:10 to 6:10 -but I recommend watching the whole thing)

Bullying is a bigger deal than all of you think. I know that some of you saw the title of my power-point and immediately shut down or decided that my presentation would be stupid and unimportant. You can go ahead and bicker and make your comments about how many times we’ve heard this, blah, blah, blah. But if we are all within four or less years of becoming legal adults, and this is still something that we are discussing, then maybe we should get over how cool it seems to not give a shit crap and do the right thing. We all know bullying; we have all done it or seen it. Don’t be afraid to stop someone from doing it.

Hello, folks.

I miss this. This is something that is fun for me and I have denied myself the time to do it because, let's face it, I don't have much free time anymore. I'm starting to realize that I have reached the point of No Return: I am working (and working very hard, at that), I am getting an education, and I am doing things like "budgeting" and taking on more "responsibilities" -ya know, stupid stuff.

(I like to think that I am still funny, even when I am exhausted.)

Somethings that have happened lately:

  • I got through TAKS week alive.
  • The royal wedding -that I do not give any shits about.
  • Ethan and I's adventures at EdgeFest.
  • I finished reading Never Let Me Go and cried my eyes out.
  • I started reading Keeping The Moon. Love it so far! It's making me want to lock myself in my room until I finish it. It's that good.
  • I bought Sarah Dessen's Along For The Ride, which I will be reading after my current book -which is also by Dessen.
  • Work, and some more work. Along with work.
Last night I wrote a speech that was due today for my speech class. I was confident with it, but I wasn't expecting it to be that great considering I wrote it the night before and I lost my original outline for it -which I had worked very hard on, and in turn caused my second outline to have had less work put into it.
But what I got was far from my thoughts. People almost cried. I almost cried. I was shaking by the end of my presentation and as soon as I sat down I couldn't help to think about how surprised I was.
I think I'm going to make a separate post of my speech. That way, everyone can decide whether they are good people and want to read or if they are false followers and have no soul. Sounds good?