Friday, May 20, 2011

It sucks but it doesn't

I'm just gonna get straight to the point, Ethan and I broke up. It hurts. We're still friends and whatnot but on nights like this (when I have nothing to do), it's easier to sulk about it then to think of the positive sides.

And there are positive sides to it. I am going to work on my self-confidence, or lack of, and try to stop hating things and people in general. It's not healthy. And Ethan is also going to work on his insecurities.

We'll probably get back together at the end of the summer -which for me is too long of a wait, but I'll live.

I didn't want to break up with him nearly as much as I thought I did. The only reason I thought I wanted to was because I knew it was necessary. I'm just glad that I still have him in my life and that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. I want to change myself so that we can look at each other in similar ways to before, but also in new ways that will make the gushy moments of staring deeply into each other's eyes even more gushy.

Thursday, May 5, 2011


       I see bullying everyday –more with words than anything, but it is there and it does happen. We’re all told not to bully and we have been reminded several times to treat others the way we want to be treated. But who does that? How many of you do that? I know I have not made that a priority in my life. Bullying affects everybody; whether you are being bullied, you are the bully, or you are a bystander.
            How many times have you heard of a bully that was alone when they tormented another child? Without an audience, they have no purpose. Bullies are never alone. There are three types of bystanders: 1. Friends of the bully, 2. Friends of the victim, 3. someone who was walking by or happened to be in the same place. It doesn’t matter what category you fall into. How do you feel after standing and watching? It can’t possibly feel good knowing that you’ve done nothing. Your silence hurts more than imaginable, and it hurts everyone.
            Which brings up the question, what does being a bully do to a person? You’d be surprised by how exactly it affects someone when they pick on or beat up someone else –especially when they’re children. People who bully can experience major problems with relationships. Whether they are very insecure or they show aggressive behaviors, they are not always stable enough for a healthy and functional relationship. If the one person you are gaga over has a knack for terrorizing people’s feelings, you may want to rethink some things. Also, studies show that people who bully at young ages are later convicted of crimes in their adult life.
Finally, what does being bullied do to a child? Some kids have the ability to brush things off and say, “It doesn’t matter.” But what about the kids that can’t do that?  What are they supposed to do? They never know what to do or why they were chosen to be a victim. It breaks my heart to know that children, and people in our age group, have the ability to take their own lives. And some people do kill themselves, some people not only become depressed and scared but they start to believe that they are better off dead. Six year-olds have actually killed themselves. Do you remember what you were doing at age six? I imagine that none of you were attempting to end your own life –you’re all here today.  
            Jared High was a fun-loving kid before he was bullied. He was the assistant coach for his school’s baseball team. One day when Jared was leaving practice another boy –who had been teasing him- followed him into the school gym. He threw Jared on the floor and began to beat him up, kicking him relentlessly. All of the bystanders were friends of the bully –nobody helped. The principal of Jared’s school ruled it as a fight, but it was more than that. Jared’s mother, Brenda, quickly noticed that Jared was no longer a happy kid. Jared became more depressed each and every day leading up to the day he shot himself. The morning of, Jared and his mom argued about Jared going to school that day; his mom had to go to work and ended up letting Jared stay home. She said later that she would have never gone to work if she had any idea of what he was going to do.
~video clip~ (I had to condense it, so I was only able to show from 5:10 to 6:10 -but I recommend watching the whole thing)

Bullying is a bigger deal than all of you think. I know that some of you saw the title of my power-point and immediately shut down or decided that my presentation would be stupid and unimportant. You can go ahead and bicker and make your comments about how many times we’ve heard this, blah, blah, blah. But if we are all within four or less years of becoming legal adults, and this is still something that we are discussing, then maybe we should get over how cool it seems to not give a shit crap and do the right thing. We all know bullying; we have all done it or seen it. Don’t be afraid to stop someone from doing it.

Hello, folks.

I miss this. This is something that is fun for me and I have denied myself the time to do it because, let's face it, I don't have much free time anymore. I'm starting to realize that I have reached the point of No Return: I am working (and working very hard, at that), I am getting an education, and I am doing things like "budgeting" and taking on more "responsibilities" -ya know, stupid stuff.

(I like to think that I am still funny, even when I am exhausted.)

Somethings that have happened lately:

  • I got through TAKS week alive.
  • The royal wedding -that I do not give any shits about.
  • Ethan and I's adventures at EdgeFest.
  • I finished reading Never Let Me Go and cried my eyes out.
  • I started reading Keeping The Moon. Love it so far! It's making me want to lock myself in my room until I finish it. It's that good.
  • I bought Sarah Dessen's Along For The Ride, which I will be reading after my current book -which is also by Dessen.
  • Work, and some more work. Along with work.
Last night I wrote a speech that was due today for my speech class. I was confident with it, but I wasn't expecting it to be that great considering I wrote it the night before and I lost my original outline for it -which I had worked very hard on, and in turn caused my second outline to have had less work put into it.
But what I got was far from my thoughts. People almost cried. I almost cried. I was shaking by the end of my presentation and as soon as I sat down I couldn't help to think about how surprised I was.
I think I'm going to make a separate post of my speech. That way, everyone can decide whether they are good people and want to read or if they are false followers and have no soul. Sounds good?

Friday, April 22, 2011

oh dear

My last post was on April 7th. Goodness gracious. What have I been doing? I need to get my head in the game.

I've been working and working and schooling and schooling. And I've been trying to get "living" in that equation -it's been a moderate success, I would say.
I don't want to go into all the things I could say about work, except that my feet hurt so much. Roller-blading for five hours straight, sometimes longer, is serious business. And people that don't tip me are just rude. I actually fell asleep with an ice pack on my foot the other night. Thinking about it now, I'm pretty sure that pack is still on my bed. Oh well.

I'm currently sitting in Ethan's bed while he's a band practice. I have work in a few hours, but thankfully I'm not closing tonight.
Post Society has a show tomorrow in New Braunfels, Texas that I'm pretty excited about. Last weekend I missed one of their shows for the first time ever since they started playing shows in November '09. I was crushed.

"Why did you miss the show, Camael? What's wrong with you?" I had work. Yeah. Lame.

Things have been all weird between my stepmom and I lately. I can't tell if she's mad at me for something or if she feels indifferent about our relationship in general. She got really mad the other night when I told her I was getting off work at 11 -she thought it was too late to be working on a school night. So I'm pretty sure that if she is angry it's because I told her that I didn't agree, or disagree, with her about it. I dunno, lately I'm genuinely unsure of what's going on with her. I feel like it's going to be this way until I move out -then, it'll either get worse or we'll overcome it.

I have five weeks left of school! Next week is TAKS week -I've already touched base on that so I won't get into it again. I'm always really excited about summer, until it gets here and I realize that I have nothing to do. But I think working will make me motivated to live a little.

Prom is coming up next weekend, which I will not be going to. But I probably shouldn't get into that either. I'll just claim something like, "Ethan and I aren't very old-fashioned." This statement is somewhat true.

I'm about to open my second Arizona lemon tea. I love it so much, even though it's probably the worst thing to drink in large quantities. But whatever.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Middle class workin' gal

You're probably all thinking two things right about now: "She's only seventeen... wtf?" and/or, "WHY HASN'T SHE POSTED ANYTHING RECENTLY, WTF?"

I happen to have an answer to both of those questions. Yes, they are excuses, but I don't really care.
Okay, I know that I am only seventeen and should be a mindless weirdo that doesn't have to worry about money, but that's not the way it's going down. Ethan and I have a plan to move in together around this time next year (probably sooner), and so I need to start saving up now so that by the time we get to that point, I will be ready. And I just like knowing that if something ever happened to my parents, I'd be able to support myself. I'm liking the optimism... It's such a natural thing for me. 
Sarcasm is, too.

And, secondly, I have been pretty darn busy. By the time I get home I either have homework or I am ready to hit the hay. I wish I had posted something to inform you all but I don't like making small posts. It's all or nothing I suppose.

Highlights of these past few... however long it's been since my last post:

  • I got hired at Sonic! My first day was Tuesday the 5th. Today was my second day.
  • I dyed my hair black! I wanted to do the before and after stuff, but it didn't work out, and I apologize. But it looks awesome. Just take my word for it.

Wow, looking at that insanely long list, I realize how exciting my life is. Maybe that's why I haven't posted shit lately.

I already shared this on Facebook the other night but I would like to share it on here as well:
I was preparing for a history test (that I took today) on Wednesday in graphic design. Part of our tests is a written answer, kind of like an essay -but not long and pointless and stupid, and suicidal thought-inducing. Anyway, one of the questions was how did Cold War events shape the decisions of the Kennedy 
Administration? Joey and I were a little stuck on how exactly to answer this question.
Suddenly, I was able to form an answer. Something along the lines of this: "Kennedy himself wanted peace but when it came to the Cold War he had to do shit that wasn't peaceful because he had to show the Soviet Union that he wasn't a pussy." I don't know why, but I felt, and still feel, very proud of this answer. I felt very intelligent and I spoke with more conviction than normal (normally, I speak with close to no conviction).

And, of course, I've been driving so much. I love it. I love being in the my car. Today I took Mustard with me to Wendy's when I had gotten off work and I was getting food for my parents and I. He's the best car dog in the world, it's crazy. I love him.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

It's official

I'm going to dye my hair black again this weekend. I had black hair for at least two years, and even though it took some color from my face, I rocked it. So I have decided that I miss it too much and it is time for me to return to the days O' Black Hair. I'm so excited! I'll do a whole before and after thing. It'll be great.

Here is my proof:
 I want to say that this is one of the last pictures I took with my black hair... So sad. I had just gotten it cut. This was the beginning of this school year.

Haha, Ethan's hair! This was freshman year, I believe. Or the summer after that year... I can't remember.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I got my ricense, yall!

It's true. I am finally a legal driver. No parents, no person over 21, just me and a passenger of my choice.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

[Insert title here]

I never know what to title these things. Today was a good day, with only a few hours of boredom.

I went to bed around 4am due to Chelsea Handler. I finished reading her book! And let me just say, it was totally worth the lack of sleep. I loved it.
Ethan took me out to breakfast at 9am (both of us running on four hours of sleep). We went to Kerbey Lane and had some delicious pancakes. I didn't eat at all yesterday so it was good that we went to a place with big portions. We had a super awkward waiter that we have had once before, and I think that he lacks personality all around. Ethan agreed, so it's not just me.
After we ate, Ethan took me home and I immediately went back to sleep. I think I woke up around 1pm and didn't get out of bed until almost 2pm. I kept trying to make myself go back to sleep but it wasn't working. I watched Law & Order: SVU for a few hours until Reese, Ethan's brother (also known as my brother-in-law), came and picked me up from my house so we could go to their mom's house to celebrate Reese's birthday. Ethan had a meeting with his band manager, who I am not fond of, so he was late.
We had a pretty good time, and his mom makes amazing food. Which is always a plus.

I'm feeling really sappy right now, so I'd just like to say that after two years, I still like Ethan. And I like that I still like him. There's a huge difference between like and love, although I do love him very much.

I got to thinking earlier about a few things; I hated wasted potential and people thinking that they're below average, or just failures. But life seems to have a cycle: the people that are driven or really smart or inventive take on high-paying jobs, or become famous, or whatever. I started wondering after I went to the Social Security office the other day, "So what about the people that work mediocre jobs? Do they want to work there?" I'm always very curious about how anyone and everyone got to where they are, but especially people like that. I could go on and on about wasted potential, and all the what if  scenarios I have contemplated. But I realized something: that's just how it is. People that fall short for whatever reason fill in the jobs that other people don't want because one way or another, they have to be filled. There's always going to be somebody with that occupation. And I think it's amazing that these people are looked down upon. Yes, you usually have a bad experience at the DPS due to the lack of social skills that some people show, but they are actually doing things that are basic, yet essential, to all Americans.
Again, I don't know why things like this are important to me. I think it's just how I react to my realizations of the world's unspoken rules. These are hard things to learn. Even harder to accept.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Sorry, sorry

I have another picture for you guys! Yay! I took it and actually really liked it so I edited it in a few different ways. Today I went to the Social Security office, and now, after almost a month of being under the impression that I was being taken care of, they are finally going to send me my new card. Ethan was a dear and drove me there, and waited with me. Minh gave Marion and I a shit-load of gummy bears today during lunch that by the time I got to the office I was feeling pretty sick. But whatever, gummy bears are awesome. And I'm pretty sure I was feeling ill more from how badly I was freaking myself out: I don't know why, but I pictured the woman telling me that they couldn't replace my card for whatever random reason.
We watched a YouTube video today about incest in health, which was disturbing, to say the least. The video was titled 'My First Crush' and it was all in Chinese -probably for our sake. Oh, and, Bri and I went to the mall and we were followed into a store by some creepy dude wearing shades (inside and at night). He came up right behind me pretending to look at something next to a bracelet that I was looking at. We didn't leave the store until at least five minutes after he left. We even walked around looking for a mall cop to escort us back to Bri's car, but apparently they get weekdays off. Which doesn't make sense. Are people worth arresting only hitting up the mall on the weekends? I don't think so.
So I guess you could say those were the highlights of my day.

Holes in my ears, y'all! 
I love putting my hair in an effortless bun. 
This is the original picture, by the way.

I fucked this one up and just decided to work it in (the top of my bed frame).

This one is my favorite, I think.

I don't like how dark this one turned out.

If/When I do get a nice camera, I will start making posts about fashion because I really do love clothes and I feel like my wardrobe is photo-worthy. Don't fret, I'll still tell all of you about my interactions with idiots and whatnot.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Super f*ck me over

Today was the first day back at school. I was lucky that today was a white day, the day with my off block. I had math, which was easy.
I actually heard an overweight girl talking about how she was 'crying while eating a pizza', when she was eating pizza for the first time after a week of not being able to. She like fell and broke her face or something. I don't know about any of you but, usually, I see pizza as a treat. It's not exactly a huge part of my diet, and I think it's sad that she was so crushed about not receiving those terrifying amounts of calories for a whole seven days. Oh no!

We watched Super Size Me in health today, so now I'm even more grossed out by overweight people. It really is disgusting to me, and the health risks are not worth any value meal out there. Yes, I am a pig; I love to eat, and when I do have junk food, I eat like a man. However, that is not a daily thing for me. I love vegetables very much, I go to the gym, and I always avoid McDonalds. I haven't eaten there for some years now and, trust me, I don't feel like I'm 'missing out' on death. I'd like to save that for a time in the very far away future. I will admit that I go to Taco Bell a lot, which is terrible. My justification for it is that my regular order doesn't have any meat in it, and Taco Bell's meat is very questionable, as you all know. It is still horrible, nonetheless.

In Super Size Me, the dude's girlfriend is a vegan. There is a part with her one-on-one with the camera, talking about the changes she was already seeing in her boyfriend. She says, 'when we do have sex, I have to be on top', to make a point about his loss of energy. The girl that sits behind me in my health class says in response, 'What? How does that even work?'
What do you mean 'how does that work'? I don't judge people based on whether or not they are sexually active (unless they've screwed everyone, or they try to preach abstinence to the world), but come on. We are in high school. These are the four last years of our adolescence, and then we will be considered adults. Do you really not know what they're talking about, or was that a really bad joke that nobody picked up on? Grow up.
I should have turned around and explained to her how it works. With diagrams and colorful pie charts.

Any-who, yesterday was Ethan and I's two year anniversary! Is that not totally crazy? Two years! He made me brunch and we sat around watching movies until he had work. Which I'm still pissed about. I wish I could be the person that chose his work schedule, but apparently I'd have to be in an official position to be able to do so. It's a cruel world we live in. I liked that we didn't go out to a fancy dinner to celebrate, though. We were in a more natural habitat: I hadn't showered in at least a day and Ethan was thriving off of Paranormal Activity 2. It was nice. I think what I love the most about our days like that it is our thing, I wouldn't turn around and do that with someone else. Someone else would be sitting there thinking, 'She smells. And she's wearing my shirt.... GREAT. Can I go to work now? Lying isn't always bad. We celebrated this crap last year anyway.' But not Ethan, which is why I love him. I've reached the point where I cannot describe my feelings for him, I do not have the words to express my love and admiration for him.
Let's hope that he has something nice to say about me.

Me and Ethan at the kite festival <3

Friday, March 18, 2011

I have fun sometimes

I started editing two pictures I just took, and quickly remembered how much I love editing. Here's what I came up with. And yes, sadly, my lip piercing is closing up. I took it out for thirty minutes and was never able to get it back in. Bastard.

Ethan and I's picture in the background -nice touch, eh?

I'm so awkward.

I decided to do the whole five minute hair 'crunching' thing with mousse. I haven't done this in years, but I gotta say, I'm not too ashamed of it.

Not the onions...

My dad was on the phone earlier in our kitchen and I heard him say, 'I'm just making myself a tuna sandwich.' I walked into the kitchen to grab something from the refrigerator before leaving and I noticed that he had a huge bowl full of at least four cans of tuna. I thought to myself, 'It looks like he's feeding a family of twenty.'
Later on I treated myself to a tuna sandwich (I'm a big fan if you haven't noticed) and although it was very delicious, I couldn't help but notice an odd taste that I did not like very much. See, my dad did what I don't do: He went that extra mile in tuna sandwich-making and put in celery, pickles, and the unknown ingredient that I wasn't happy about. I do not do this when I make my own tuna sandwiches, so I'm not familiar with what is traditionally used.
Even later on, I treated myself to a second sandwich. As I was chewing, I looked at my sandwich and saw something... something horrible. Onions. I hate onions. I will tolerate them if they are cooked and mixed in with something like soup, but raw onions are completely unacceptable on every level. These onions were raw.  Gross, gross, and gross.

Any-who, I am officially hired at Sonic! I have to buy my own skates, which is kind of lame, but whatever.

Today was a pretty good day, too. Ethan took me to get donuts in the morning (around 1pm), I had a tea party with Minh and Marion (I dunno why we didn't take pictures), and then I filled out paperwork at Sonic. The Sonic part was more exciting than you think, okay? Don't hate.

I just found out earlier that Chelsea Handler is coming to Austin. I am all over that. Yes, I will be putting my life's savings into a ticket, but I do not give one flying f*ck. It's Chelsea Handler, come on. Can you get any better than that? No, you can't, so don't try.

Unfortunately, all of the tickets for Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros are sold out. But that's okay, I know that I will see them live one day.
I think I've made a rhyme. 

Yay, tea party! Am I right? Am I right?


More like this:
(Minus the creepy dolls)

I feel like I shouldn't keep this from you: Our tea party was kind of a failure. All we had was two canisters of two different flavors of tea, honey, and some granola bars that Minh brought. Minh actually cut his water bottle in half and we used the two pieces as cups. Whatever, dude, I bet you're jealous.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The time of everyone else's lives

I suppose the fact that I have nothing to do today is karma, because I have not posted anything since Friday. In all honesty, this is why I wasn't that excited for spring break. I knew that at some point I would be left with the cold truth that I do not have a lot to do. This is me complaining, and I do apologize.

Friday, March 11, 2011

One 5-hour Energy later...

I feel horrible for not posting very much this week. I was way too excited about... *drum roll*...... SPRING BREAK. Bam. It's here. Just like that. I was actually focusing a lot on my school work this week, which is pretty darn amazing.

Today was pretty good. I'm still annoyed but at least the really annoying people are only encountered at school, so I get a week away from them. There's this girl in my chemistry class, who I've known since second grade, and have disliked since second grade, that insists on pretending like she knows anything and everything about Ethan and I's relationship. Which she doesn't. She doesn't know anything, actually. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned her before. And if I have not, I know I will in the future.

I had a history test today that I'm pretty sure I passed, or at least I'm hoping. It was over the Cold War, so I wouldn't be too surprised if I failed. Our past unit in history has supported my theory about how much better living in the 50s would be. Come on, that's when Rock n' Roll rose! Who wouldn't want to be apart of that? And then going into the 60s and becoming a hippie? F*ck yes! I'd do it. I can't do it now because that's not who I am at all, but back then it would've been my calling.

I have finally decided what I'm going to do about college (since it feels like everyone has been breathing down my neck about it): I am going to attend Austin Community College for two years and then transfer to the University of Texas to enroll in their Film Institute. I think it'll be awesome, and I will have a lot of time to experience what it's like to be an adult in the Live Music Capitol. Texas, I want to leave you... But Austin and I, we're really close. I can't do that to Austin.
I have stuck with wanting to leave Texas for a long time now, but the closer and closer the actual opportunity gets, it has turned into leaving Austin, which sounds awful to me. Austin is the best city to live in and it has been apart of my life since I was five. Ahhhh, decisions, decisions, decisions. I guess it's better to have options than to have no options... right?

Oh! Exciting news, y'all: I had a job interview at Sonic today and I am almost 100% sure that they are hiring me. It was my second job interview ever and it went so much better than my first. Obviously, not a lot of people want to work at fast-food places, but I don't even care. Sonic is a cool place that I've always liked and it's a job, for crying out loud! Although I do picture myself falling on my ass on those skates, but at least they won't have me doing that right away.
 "Learn how to use the register and how to skate while holding food. Today." "What?"

I'd just like to take this time to tell you all which bands I will being seeing next week (SXSW) and next month:
  • Dead to Me
  • The Strokes
  • AWOLnation (maybe)
  • Post Society <3
  • Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
  • Mumford & Sons
  • And many more that I can't think of right now because they probably aren't as exciting to me as the ones already listed.
I'm so excited! I've never been to so many shows, except for Post Society shows. I have attended every single Post Society show since their very first in December of '09. Yup, that's right, I am the most supportive girlfriend ever. Be jealous.

Speaking of which, everyone viewing this post should vote for Post Society to play in Warped Tour over the summer:
(Sorry, I won't usually make my blog an ad but I try to support them as much as possible.)

If you don't vote for them, then I guess we can't be friends. But if you do, then we can be bestfriends. See how it all works out?

Ethan and I at the show last week in Maxwell. He's so great.

~yours truly~ Thank you, Mia!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

My hatred for stupidity.

Unfortunately, this has to be short, sweet, and to the point tonight. I still have history homework and I have to shower. It's not okay to go two days without a shower -not in my book.

I think my hatred for stupidity has reached its peak. I find myself wanting to scream, 'DID YOU REALLY NOT THINK THAT THROUGH?' in many situations.

I wish that people would either recognize their potential to make a great contribution to a conversation, or just not contribute at all. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand that everybody has their 'moments'. We all laugh 'em off and move on. But, there are people out there that are just stupid. Like Ron White said, 'You can't fix stupid.' And you really can't. It almost makes me feel sorry for a second, and then I remember how old I am and that most of the people that I am hearing stupid things from are one year away from being legal adults. Is that not totally concerning to anyone else? I know that I'm not alone.

If you haven't noticed by now, I'm big on common sense and logical thinking. My experiences have made me this way and it is something that I try to value.

Today in math, I nearly lost it:
My teacher handed out our notes and as she began to write on the over-head she said, 'We're taking notes on Special Right Triangles.' So we did the first example of a special right triangle; she drew it on her paper and we calculated the lengths of its sides using the angles. We weren't focusing on the fact that we were working with right triangles, just to clarify, were we focusing on how to use the angles of right triangles to do other shit.
When we got to the second example, she drew the right triangle and asked the class, 'What do you notice about this triangle?'
A girl in my class, who doesn't think before she speaks, ever, answered, 'It's a right triangle.'


Thank you, so much. I had no idea that the triangle in the picture on our notes about Special Right Triangles, would be a right triangle. Holy crap.

I'm not sure why this bothers me as much as it does, but it really grinds my gears. I think that I subconsciously hold to the concept of everything serving a purpose and everything happening for a reason, so when people around me do things or say things for no reason, or without any reasoning behind it, I get frustrated.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Under Pressure

Looking back on past this weekend, the only thing I can think is, 'That was the best weekend I've had in a while.' I think everything about it was perfect, with only a few casualties.

On Friday, I had a nice and easy day at school and then afterwards I helped make a banner for Ethan's band. It started out being me, Ethan, Mia, Jonny, and Ian, all at Ethan's house. By the end of the night it was me, Jonny, and Ian, by ourselves at Ethan's house. Ethan's dad told me I was the the adult before he took off with some friends because no one else was home (Ethan had work). How liberating.
Eddie joined us in time to work on the last two letters of 'Society'. All in all, I enjoyed making it and it felt nice to know that I contributed something to the band -considering that I've gotten into most of their shows for free lately and I have yet to buy one of their shirts because I am a broke teenager. Ian then took me to pick up my friend, Zina -who had asked me if she could stay the night at my house earlier that day- and then dropped us off at my house. The thing I love about people like Zina is that it doesn't take a lot to entertain her. We sat and talked in my room until almost 3am. I loved it! I'm a talker, but only with people I like.
This experience for me, though, was kind of scary at first. I literally have not had a friend stay the night at my house since my freshman year. Which was two years ago. I hardly ever have people over; in almost two years (three hundred seventy days), Ethan has only been to my house just to hangout less than ten times. How sad is that?
I'm almost terrified of having guests. I always feel like people are going to leave my house thinking, 'That was so boring.' I don't mean to be boring! It's not my fault!
It's totally my fault.

On Saturday, I had to wake up at 8am to make sure that Ethan woke up and so that I could get ready to go to Maxwell, Texas, for Ethan's show at the Texas Independence Festival. Thankfully, Zina had Saturday school so I wasn't inconveniencing her with how early I had to be up. Somehow I was able to shower, and be ready for a show in less than an hour. I even packed necessities for the trip (which I didn't need because I was riding with Mia, Jonny, and Ethan). Ethan picked me up, dropped Zina off at the school, and then we went to Ian's house.

I made the mistake of wearing shorts. It was about forty degrees outside, even though the past few days had been perfect shorts weather. I decided to sit in the car while the Ethan, Eddie, and Ian brought out their equipment from Ian's basement, and while I was sitting there, I noticed that Ian's grandparents were staring at me through the glass of Ian's front door. How weird is that? I felt very uncomfortable. There was nothing to stare at, I was just cold and wanted to be away from the horrible, windy weather. I think I am the most uncomfortable when I receive attention that I am not seeking.

We hit the road shortly after Mia and Jonny got to Ian's, and then we were shortly off the road: Mia was approaching a red light, with a stopped garbage truck in front of us. She was looking down for something and didn't brake enough, causing her to bump into the garbage truck. At first nothing happened and she just backed up a little bit, and then the man driving the truck actually got out. Of course, there was no damage to the truck, just to Mia's fender. It was popped out of place, leaving her with a very ghetto-looking car. We pulled over to a more convenient spot and tried kicking and hitting it back into place before coming to the most simple solution: duct tape. We went to the nearest HEB and quickly got ourselves back on the road in the most stylish car you've ever seen.
The car ride was fun, all of us were cracking jokes and we had good music playing. What more could I have asked for?

The festival was a disappointment, not gonna lie. We were all expecting more people, and definitely a bigger crowd when they actually played. And, we were accompanied by a few annoying people. BUT, I did have fun and I really liked being with my friends all day. How generic does that sound?
Ethan was so lucky that the drive to Maxwell was only fifty minutes; he actually forgot his guitar in his car trunk at Ian's house, back in Austin. So me, Mia, Ethan, and Ian went back to get it. We made it back with more than an hour to spare, and while we were in Austin we had enough time to stop at Five Guys -the best burger place ever. And Ethan was able to stop by Amy's Ice Creams (his employer) and say hi. He spends a lot of off-hours there, it's kind of sad.

Mia and I were given a very difficult and terrifying job before Post Society played: handing out flyers to the people at the festival. I hated it. I can't talk to people that I know, let alone people that I don't know. It took us a while to be able to go up to people, but we did end up getting rid of all of the flyers we were given. One guy that we gave a flyer to, who was absolutely drunk, ended up being a fan of the band (even though that was kind of a given). Mia and I made it known that we were the reason that he saw them play.
One thing that I was especially pissed about was that the banner ended up not being used. I won't sit here and point fingers, though. I'll simply move on.

By the time we were all on our way back to Austin, I felt like I was dead. I may as well have been. Unfortunately, I find it very difficult to fall asleep inside a car, especially when it's moving. But it was fine because no one else fell asleep either.
We all went to Kerbey Lane Cafe when we got back and mindlessly ate some food, which we all desperately needed. But it was very hard to stay awake at that point, I didn't feel like I was attached to my body at all.

I fell asleep without any trouble that night.

Today, Ethan and I went to the Kite Festival at Zilker Park with Mia and Jonny. We got the least amount of kite-action there and didn't actually spend very much time there. We all decided we were starving and went and ate at Central Market Cafe. Obviously, that wasn't everything that happened, but that's all I'm giving you. It was fun in its simplicity. Although I was very envious when I saw everyone with their dogs at the kite festival, because I really do wish that I could take Mustard with me to things like that. But I can't take him anywhere that involves other dogs. He's under the impression that all other dogs are scary and that he should be the only dog, ever.

If there was one song in the world that I had to listen to over and over again for however long, it would be 'Under Pressure' by Queen and David Bowie. It's an amazing song that makes me very happy whenever I listen to it. It doesn't matter what period of time you were born in, it's timeless.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

National Pancake Day

Today was a good day! Despite the TAKS test, which took me forever, but was easy. I feel like if I share the writing prompt I'll get sued by Texas. I'm going to share it with you. The writing prompt was to write an essay about a time that you overcame a fear. Guess what I wrote about?!

...I wrote about my fear of the dark. And I lied in the end. Technically, my entire essay was a lie, because I have not acually overcome that fear. I do not know if I will ever overcome that fear. I am a seventeen year-old junior in high school and I wish that the dark didn't even exist. I hate it so much. I have a hard time falling asleep in the dark, and I nearly lose my mind when I have to walk in the dark in my house at night when I'm hungry -which is every night- or even walking those three feet to the bathroom. It's a lot easier to do this in houses that I'm not familiar with, believe it or not, because my imagination can't make up a clear visual of something following me or a distorted dead girl coming around the corner, crawling on the floor... or waiting for me to come around the corner, or popping out from behind the nearest door. But there are a few visuals that I can't escape, like seeing someone standing in the window or crawling out from under the bed, or standing in the doorway watching me. I hate the dark. See what it's done to me? Actually, all of the above is for two reasons, and two reasons only; 1. my brother, and 2. scary movies. My brother used to locked me in our walk-in pantry that we had in the house that we lived in when we were still in Houston, and he would turn the light off before locking me in there (I actually included this in my essay). So much love. Scary movies is self-explanatory, though. As soon as I watch I scary movie, I wish that I hadn't. Simple is that. I am a wimp, forever.

Anyways, I made it through the TAKS alive. That's all that matters! Ya know, besides the score and all that other junk.

Oh, I wanted to say something real quick: Rohan is an awesome person.
That is all.

I love the schedule for TAKS days: Our first class is the normal hour and a half but the rest of our classes are twenty minutes. I did a whole lot of nothing today. However, I did get to catch up on some reading, which was awesome. I'm currently reading Are You There, Vokda? It's me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler. And I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud when I was still in the TAKS room while reading it. I think she is my idol. I love her sense of humor and I try to watch her show whenever I can -I currently can't because I screwed up my T.V. somehow. The more and more I read her book, the more I feel like I could have written it. Our writing is really similar, due to our similar humor. If I could do anything especially awesome, it would be meeting Chelsea Handler. Hands down. I admire her, because she definitely has more balls than I do and she does not give one single f*ck. I love you, Chelsea.

Do any of you love the feeling of giving people compliments? And I don't mean kissing people's asses. Just giving someone a compliment because you felt like it, not because you want them to like you, and not because you're secretly making fun of them. A real compliment. I love that feeling, I really do. I did that today in history, I told my teacher that her haircut looked very nice. And it really does, I wasn't lying. She keeps her hair short and it was starting to get too long. I've probably got many of you thinking 'I don't give any amount of shits, Camael.' Well I say to you, that's not my problem (and I say this with love).

Later on after school had gotten out, I went to Bri's house to hangout. We had been hearing about free pancakes being served at iHop throughout the day and decided to get in on it. I was kind of disappointed to find out that we couldn't choose a different type of pancake instead of buttermilk but hey, three free pancakes from iHop is not something that I would pass up.
As I was enjoying my pancakes with an overload of strawberry syrup on top, I noticed that a baby was crying. Two tables down from Bri and I. This is a pet-peeve of mine. Do not bring your infant into a public place, such as a restaurant, if you know that it will start hysterically crying for a long period of time. I know that you want to get out, and that is exactly what babysitters are for. Thankfully, he was escorted out of the building by one of his caretakers.

There was a strange moment when he was about to be carried out: I looked over at him (I'm not gonna lie, he was f*cking adorable) and he only had the facial expression of crying, but didn't actually make any noise for an odd amount of time. It was surreal.
His face was doing this but there was absolutely no sound.
Is that normal? It honestly freaked me out to the point of not even realizing that he wasn't annoying me during that time.

And one last thing: ANTHONY WRUCK. 

Monday, February 28, 2011

my apologies

I have not posted anything recently because I felt like I had nothing to say... Well, screw what I think. I have plenty to say.

Tomorrow at school, everyone -except for seniors because they suck- is taking the English T.A.K.S. Test (+3X@$ @$$3$M3N+ 0f kN0Wl3dG3 @Nd $kiillZ). I'm not too much into politics. In fact, I could not care less. However, this is where my negative feelings for George Bush come into play. He is the reason that we have these stupid tests. He is the reason that five days out of the year I have to prove my knowledge to Texas through tests that go over curriculum (spelled that right on the first try, nice!) that I am currently not studying. Isn't that fun? NO. If anyone nodded or said yes, then you are a sad individual. This is a subject that makes me kind of angry.... If you haven't noticed.
Thankfully, tomorrow is English -which I am f*cking awesome at. I hate the prompts that we're given for the essay portion, but I feel confident with my writing, so I'm always able to pull something out of my ass.
I'm surprised that I've never seen a prompt like 'Write an essay about a time that you were inspired to take over the world.'
...I'm sorry, what? I have never taken over the world. And I have never been inspired to do so. Give me a real prompt, you weirdos.

Any-who, this weekend was good; going out with Ethan on Friday was fun, I went downtown on Saturday and then had a sleepover with friends (Mackenzie, Sagel, and Meghan), and then I worked on Sunday... which wasn't actually fun but it wasn't terrible.

Guess what I realized the other day?
I managed to accidentally throw away my social security card. How talented am I? So talented. I got to fill out the application for a replacement today, which was the highlight of my LIFE.
...Not really, though. It was boring. And the only reason that I care about replacing it right now is because I can get my license in less than two weeks and I need my social security card for that. Who knew?

That's another exciting thing! I'm almost a legal driver!
 (Something is totally being implied.)

...Or not, whatever.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Mars, anyone?

So I can imagine that the people that viewed my last post became extremely depressed. You shouldn't, though, so I do not apologize. My intention is never to make someone feel bad when I share something like that. Unless they deserve it, which does happen... A lot, actually. It's kind of ridiculous. But it is something that has happened less and less as I've tried to surround myself with more mature people over the past couple years. It hurts when it's a good friend that I have to break it to; Like, 'Oh hey, yeah... about that. My mom died of breast cancer.' And then I see it. That huge look of regret in their eyes, not knowing if we can continue to be friends for a split second, and the overall shame from the realization that saying 'Your mom' can actually offend someone on a deeply personal level. Have any of you ever watched the show 'Yo Momma'? It's literally an entire show dedicated to people having mom joke competitions. I was watching it one day with an old friend of mine and I said something about hating mom jokes and my friend said to me, 'They didn't make them to hurt your feelings.' And I honestly did not know what to say to that. Yes, I know that the creator of mom jokes was not out to get me or something, but just the thought of making a joke out of the strongest women in the world kind of offends me... in huge amounts. So thanks, but no thanks. Earth is a frustrating place. Let's go to Mars instead.

Anyways, today was a good day! A friend of mine came over after school and  we literally just sat and talked in my room for like almost two hours. See, that's something that is of more interest to me than going out and doing something. I don't need to do much to be happy, just gimme someone as chill as I am to talk to, and I'm good. It's pretty simple. I save the complicated shit for Ethan <3

Speaking of which, Ethan is FINALLY taking me out tomorrow night for a very late Valentine's Day dinner. I am so excited! I love going out with him. Always. I love planning what I'm going to wear, I love figuring out what to do with my make up (mostly eye make up), I love trying to think of something within my capabilities to do with my hair, I love putting on the outfit that I pick out. Hell, I even love getting that 'I'm on my way' text from him. Everything about our dates makes me happy. I cherish them. Not everyone is as lucky as I am, and being as pessimistic as I am, I try not to waste it because anything can end in a flash. There's thousands of things that I'm talking about here, and breaking up is probably the last thing on my list. Even though it is the one realistic thing on my list. Again, my mind and I make horrible friends. But, till death do us part. Unless I develop a mental disorder.
In this case, not for me.

I would just like to put it out there that I Googled 'mind body connection' to find a picture for this post, and one of the results was a completely topless chick. I don't see that particular connection. Any ideas?

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


Today was a good day.
School itself was boring, of course. But I had a great time after school.
I was reunited with a good friend of mine, Mia, who had been in Arizona attending ASU. Let's just say, she was gone for too long for my little heart to bare. She's the definition of cool. I love this chick, and I love that she's back in Austin. She's one of those chicks that everyone likes.
Ethan and I met up with Mia and Jonny at Ethan's house and they followed us to Ian's house so that they could have band practice. However, when we got to Ian's house, he was not there yet. So where did go? Starbucks! Everyone loves Starbucks. After we had ordered, the man in line after us actually thought that he could get free coffee because he had his own cup. I felt kind of bad, but come on. Coffee isn't free. Nothing is free anymore... EXCEPT FOR LOVE <3 :) :) :)
...kidding, I'm not choosing today to be a total weirdo. And that statement is somewhat false anyways. Do you know how much money Ethan has spent on me? No, you don't, because I don't even know.
We went back to Ian's house when he called and told us that he was finally there. Their lead singer, Eddie, however, was not going to be there for another hour. So what did we do? We made a fire! Literally; we walked down to the canyon behind Ian's house and made a fire for some s'mores. This was actually the second time we have done this and the fire we made last time was still visible (it was like two weeks ago so I don't know why it wouldn't have been). I'd just like to take this time to point out that my significant other is a total pyro -I feel like at some point in my life, this could be a bad thing.
So we had our little fire and almost everyone had s'mores (I did not because I'm a loser) and then we eventually went back to Ian's. We started watching this SyFy movie that I can't remember the name of. It was about this dude that's really weird and he owns this like native american museum that has dinosaur skeletons in it and he does this weird ritual and brings them to life. It's literally just the bones, so when they started eating people we were literally just sitting there going 'THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!' Who makes SyFy movies? I want to know. They're so far from reality that it's not even cool, there's thousands of holes in their fictional logic. Unbelievable, truly. I was disappointed about not finishing it though, I was curious.
Eddie finally got to Ian's house and we all messed around like idiots until Mia and I decided that we were hungry enough to do something about it. So we went and got pizza. Yum, yum, yum. When we got back the band was actually practicing, but they immediately stopped when we walked in with the pizza. We devoured that thing.
Eventually band practice ended and Ethan took me home. It was really fun and I was in a good mood, and then I had to start homework. Specifically history homework, which is extra lame because we're starting the Cold War. Which I HATE. I love learning about World War 2 and the Holocaust, but I really really really dislike the Cold War. It's so boring.

Anyways, I would like to share something special about today that I feel bad for not realizing until later on in the day: Today is my mom's birthday. My mom passed away from breast cancer when I was five years-old. She would have been fifty-four today, and she would only look about forty. I titled this 'Dolly' because that's my mom's nickname (which she hated), and her real name was Dolores (which she also hated). I can't really describe my feelings about all of this... I could go on for days talking about how angry I am that I only get to hear about how awesome she was but not getting to find out for myself, and about how if she hadn't passed I wouldn't be the person that I am today. It's really hard to see my friends treat their moms like shit, it breaks my heart. If there is any piece of advice that I can give, it is to never take your mother for granted -especially if she is good to you.
Happy birthday, Mom. I miss you a lot. You are the only reason that I would like to believe that there is a heaven.

Monday, February 21, 2011

those fabulous 50s

I had to go to school today, even though it's a holiday. How lame is that?
It's because of our snow day... We hardly got like two inches of snow and the world practically ended. Ah, Texas.
Anyways, today was an okay day. I am on the verge of taking an Advil PM and clocking out for the night.
When Ethan and I got to school we went to our chemistry class so that he could make up a quiz and I could do the homework. Boring, definitely. 
First block went by pretty fast, we graded our history test over World War 2. I got a freaking 78. Not cool. I hate how I feel so confident about a test and then the next thing I know I'm looking at my grade and thinking 'What the hell was I doing? Was I conscious when I took this?' But I did pass, which is always good. My parents aren't really strict with grades but since they're my parents they feel like they should set some kind of standard: Make sure you pass. So whenever I do get a disappointing -but above failing- grade, I know that it is only disappointing to me. At least I hope so. But I think the worst is when people ask you later what grade you got. 'What'd you get on the history test? I got a 100!' 
'I got a 78.'
That's what always gets me. Honestly, I don't care about your amazing grade right now. Nor will I ever. Now go home and show your parents how awesome you are so that they'll go buy you a car, okay?

Second block was productive in the sense that I finished my chemistry homework. I didn't do any work for the actual class, though. Kyle was sitting next to me watching YouTube videos of people playing video games (which is sad on so many levels), and our teacher told him to get to work. Rohan (whom I know is reading this), was also doing things unrelated to our class, and he too ended up being told to get to work. The whole time this was happening, I was doing homework. There was clearly no activity on my computer screen. Somehow my teacher did not see that for the entire hour and a half we were in class. But don't get me wrong, this is no complaint right here.
We had to take a released TAKS test during third block. It was a combination of chemistry, biology, and physics.
  1. I'm still of the process of learning chemistry.
  2. I failed the first semester of biology and just barely passed for the year
  3. I haven't even taken physics. And I don't even plan to.
Despite everything, it was pretty easy. Or so I thought; my teacher will probably announce that only one person failed and I'll end up being that person. That would suck! I'm so pessimistic, jeez.
Ethan took me to Which Wich for lunch and, like a gentleman, paid for my food. He's so sweet.
Fourth block was okay. I was really annoyed with people in general by then so I decided to stay quiet for most of the class. All in all, it was a really easy class. Thankfully.

When Ethan picked me up after school he took me to an empty parking lot... AND TRIED KILL ME.
Meaning that he was teaching me stick shift. I'm assuming that I'll get a car when I get my license (I should probably talk to my parents about this) so I'm wanting to see if I should get a manual or an automatic. By the looks of today, probably an automatic. Which I'm fine with, I think more than anything I'd just like to be able to know stick shift for just-in-case situations. They do happen! I'm not just super paranoid... (I am the most paranoid person ever.) I have been told that is a good skill to have and I know that my stepmom wants me to learn, but without her teaching me herself. Oh parents.

After that Ethan and I went to his house and shortly after I found myself falling asleep on his arm. So so so tired! It's crazy. As a high school kid, I don't even have to go through a whole school week before becoming totally exhausted. All day, everyday, people shoving pretty useless information down your throat and expecting you to know it after one day of practice because oh guess what? there's a test next time! Yeah, very uncool. People always talk about how energetic kids are supposed to be. Hey, people, times have changed and they're still changing. It's not the same from when you were my age, I promise. Your generation's stories start out like 'Well when we were kids, we hopped on this train.....' My generation's stories start out with 'So I was texting him and like...'
Do you see the difference? Man, I hope so. I'm honestly not proud of this. I wish that I was able to cherish things besides material. It's not like I can't live without my phone or I can't be away from laptop for more than two seconds, but there are plenty of people out there that feel that way. It's sad. And I don't mean sad as a joke, I truly think that there are so many wasted things in this world that are right in front of us all. When will we ever learn?
Sometimes I feel like I should have been born in the 50s, and died before seeing youth turn into what it has.

I could have been a part of this group. We would go to awesome dances and I would share a milkshake with Ethan with two straws in it (Ethan would be the guy on the left and I'd be the chick on the far left, considering I am that short).
Speaking of which, would anyone like to know the modern-day 'milkshake'? Of course you want to know, you're reading this for a reason. True story right here: Ethan and I were at Kerbey Lane Cafe with a few friends , and we decided to drink through each other's ears. We both have gauged ears and they're big enough to stick a straw through, so that's what we did. Romantic, I know. We received bewildered stares from a woman at another table, which is really rude, but I can't say I blame her. That's not something you see everyday. Or at least it shouldn't be.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Great Night

Yesterday, my friends, was a good day. More specifically, last night.

Summary of my school day:

  • Slept in.
  • Got to school late, but not too late thankfully.
  • History test. Easy as hell.
  • 2nd block was sooo boring. Literally half of the class was gone, eight of out sixteen kids.
  • Very uneducated sub in chemistry, but we learned really easy stuff (stoichiometry II).
  • Lunch at Fazoli's with Ethan. Extremely delicious.
  • English test. Again, really easy, considering I'm awesome in that class.

When I went home I, of course, fed my Facebook addiction for a little bit, and then I started getting ready to go see Ethan's band, Post Society, play a show at Red 7. When I was getting ready my stepmom came home from picking up her cousin at the airport. SHE IS AWESOME. I spent roughly twenty minutes with her and I already like her. Which is good because my parents worked their asses off getting our guest room ready for her. And my stepmom was pretty much bouncing off the walls this past week in anticipation.
I was feeling pretty good so I decided to get a little out of my wardrobe comfort zone; I wore a skirt. That's right folks, a skirt. Crazy, I know. It's what I do.
Ethan picked me up ten minutes before he was supposed to be downtown (the drive takes thirty) and then we picked up my friend, Bri, and we were on our way to sitting in bumper to bumper traffic and later on walking through a scary alley behind Red 7 to drop off his equipment. I honestly feel like I'm going to be killed in plain site whenever I'm downtown, even during the day. There was this recent time that I was there and I was actually trying to imagine what it would feel like to be stabbed, just so that I would be prepared for it. How morbid is that? I need a day away from my mind.
We got to Red 7 sometime between seven and eight, and they weren't even playing until nine. So we were all kind of left with nothing to do, because once you're inside the bar you can't leave. Which was especially lame because I was hungry like a hippo.
I had a great encounter with this girl that I had never even seen before last night. Can you say bitch? Thankfully the entire thing was nonverbal, but man oh man. I have never received such negative vibes from one person in such a small amount of time -usually it builds up over time, you know?
First, she stepped on my shoe. And didn't say sorry, she didn't even acknowledge my being.
Second, right after stepping on me, she basically threw her bag -which I am convinced had bricks in it- in between where Jonny and I were sitting.
Third, later on, she came back to get something from her bag and -no exaggeration- slammed it on the table that we were sitting at. I mean seriously, this girl was angry. In every sense of the word.
So, being me -and feeling unusually bold- I decided to loudly talk shit. Now, I am unsure if she heard me or not, but she was within no more than ten feet of me. Either she is hard of hearing, or she heard me and didn't do anything. I think that's a huge way to get an idea of someone's character; she can throw her stuff around and knock out someone's eye, but she can't use her words to defend herself. But, like I said, I don't know for sure. These are just thoughts.
I ended up agreeing to a game of pool  -which meant making an idiot of myself in front of everyone, but I was okay with it. Long story short, I lost. Pool is not my calling and I'm fine with that, considering the fact that being good at pool wouldn't affect my life in any way.
Eventually, Post Society played their show, and it was awesome -as usual. I really do like them, I'm not just saying that because it's Ethan's band. They are extremely good, especially live. I'm not a fan of their recordings, though.
When the band after them started playing, I realized, 'I'm at my first real punk show!' I can't remember their name but they were so awesome! It wasn't so much their music as it was their stage performance. They were pouring beer in the crowd, the crowd was throwing beer cans at them, there was a mosh pit for a little while, Ian (the drum of Post Society) was thrown onto and off of stage, I couldn't tell ya how many times the band members said 'fuck', and one of the guitarists was dressed in this costume that reminded me of Yo Gabba Gabba. I loved it so much. I'll be honest, I am not a fan of going to shows and being all crazy  -I'd rather listen to live music sitting down and just chilling out. But I was absolutely in love with this. Something inside of me must have loved it too because at the end of their last song, I picked up a beer can off of the ground and threw it at the stage. I think it hit the guitarist, whom I realized shortly afterwards, was mooning the entire crowd... That, I didn't like. All in all, I had a really good time. I should get out more.

The guitarist would have fit in perfectly.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I have an announcement? What?

Today... was not that great. I found myself in small bursts of a good mood but easily annoyed.

My dad took me to school today because Ethan went super early for tutoring. I think this may be the source of my agitated mood. Putting me (not a morning person) in the truck with my dad (huge morning person) wasn't a good idea. He himself was okay because his energy had not yet peaked, but his driving was making me so tense. It's so interesting how much more noticeable someone's driving is when you start doing it yourself. And in this case, it's almost become unhealthy for me to be in the car with him behind the wheel. I put so much extra stress and worry on myself for the tiniest things, so when he's driving it turns into a shite ton of extra stress and worry. But hey, I made it to school alive. That's what counts, right? I hope so.
Math was boring; quiz, notes, homework. Same deal everyday. We never mix it up. But it is the only class that I'm allowed to use my ipod in, so I was able to feed my Say Anything obsession for a little bit. Which was nice because they're like crack to me.
Speech was okay, but my teacher seems to think that she's really funny when she says something that is not an actual joke, it's an actual statement. Right now we're working in groups on a big project and the facilitator of my group was absent. I was fully aware that she was absent because 1. she wasn't in math (which we also have together), and 2. because she wasn't in speech. My speech teacher must not have thought that I could put two and two together and realize, 'Oh, Alex is not here today.' How insulting. So when I went up to her desk this is what she says: 'There's a problem.' -starting to smile as if she's about to blow my mind- 'Alex is not here today.'

Moving on:
Health was kinda boring. I mentioned that I finished Minh and I's project on Tuesday, so there was really nothing to do throughout the whole block.
Lunch was great, though; I finished my math homework (easiest thing ever done) and Minh, being the amazing friend that he is, bought me an apple cinnamon muffin and a caramel macchiato because I had no money. There are selfless people still out there guys! But don't be fooled, I am a victim here: he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer when he asked me if I wanted him to get me something. He's evil, I tell you.
Any-who, there was this random chick (who we later found out is named Megan) that walked past our table. Minh did this awkward noise thing to let the rest of us know that he thought she was really hot. Some stuff happened and eventually led up to me yelling to her as she walked away from our table, 'HE THINKS YOU'RE HOT!'
And that, my fellow viewers, is how good of a friend I am. You buy me lunch, I embarrass you in front of a hot chick. And the fifty million other kids in the cafetorium. I did end up apologizing, though. I do have a soul.

I'm just going to sum up what happened after health so that I can skip to what I want to announce:
-Ethan picked me up.
-Ethan, Jonny (member of Ethan's band and good friend), and I went to the mall so that Ethan could buy new gauges.
-We (Ethan) dropped Jonny off.
-Went to my house to do some last-minute cramming.
-Went back to school (horrible, I know) and finished our chemistry test.
-Ethan dropped me off at home.
-I finally registered for the SAT.

Soon after all of that my stepmom let me know that my drive time (I'll explain in a second) was moved from tomorrow to today, thankfully an hour before I had to be there.
I did the classroom part of driver's ed in September and once you finish that you have to do the driving part, not only at home but with the school. The school requires you to complete 7 drives....
Today was my seventh! Yay me! In all honestly, I was so happy. I never thought this day would come.
I had had the same instructor from my third drive all the way to my sixth drive, and only on my last drive I had a new instructor whom was totally awesome, funny, and looked somewhat like Ryan Reynolds -just not nearly as attractive because that is virtually impossible... I love you, Ethan! The instructor before this one was super religious, which wasn't a good match for me. I don't want to offend anybody, I promise that's never my purpose, but I am not religious at all. My parents have never forced any type of religious practice on me, I don't go to church (sue me), and I just don't put strong beliefs into things that have not been proven. I'll respect the religions of people that matter to me but I do not agree with it, and I have definitely cracked jokes about it from time to time. Not gonna lie -I wasn't raised to be a liar. And no, I do not walk around telling everybody that I am an Athiest -I know that I am not. Just thought I'd get that out of the way.

I'm honestly surprised that the other student driver didn't kill us. But that would have been very upsetting considering it was the night that I was declared done with driver's ed forever. Needless to say, our instructor was being completely fair each time (and there were many times) that he used the emergency brake. I feel like I should be celebrating my survival/achievement right now.
So if you didn't pick up on my announcement, that was it. Completing driver's ed.

I know I'm lame, it don't phase me.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

tuna sandwich: you get in my belly

Hello again! I've honestly been thinking about this moment since this morning.

My morning was the same as yesterday (lame).
Ethan and I got to school right as the first bell rang. Which means we arrived just in time for hallway traffic. Let me paint this picture for you: there's roughly 300 my grade. We have at least 1,000 students in the whole school. So as we try to hustle through the crowd, I just think to myself  'Why on earth do people walk so slow?' Definitely a pet peeve. When I finally got to my first block class -US history- I had to take off my jacket due to the ridiculous amount of body heat I generated trying to make it out of the crowd and to class on time. Still amazes me.
Any-who, I got to thinking during that class, 'We need more teachers like this.' I think most of my history teacher's past and current students don't like her. But I love that woman! She is the most up-front teacher I've ever met, which I really like. Teachers will explain simple things in the most complicated ways. She gives it to you straight and isn't afraid to say shit, and she doesn't sugar-coat everything like we're five year-olds or something. Lemme put it this way: If I was going to be a teacher (which is never actually happening), I would want to be like her. Yes, she has been mean to me personally, but come on, nobody's perfect and certainly nobody is happy ALL the time -especially high school teachers.  But you can tell that she's a super nice person on the inside -a total sap, like me. 'You only hate in others what you hate about yourself, you like in others what you like about yourself.' -Don't bother correcting me, I know I totally messed that up. But I got my message crossed.
My second block class was Advanced Graphic Design and Illustrations. How's that for fancy and impressive?
I love that class, but only for the social part of it. Yes, I love working with computers, but I would dread that class if I didn't have any friends in it with me. I sit with all dudes because of assigned seating, but thankfully none of them are douche bags. I enjoy our little group; all of us have different personalities and we're all funny in our own ways-
I have a pretty dry sense of humor, and sarcasm is my bestfriend.
Joey has a sense of humor similar to mine but he doesn't cross the line as much as I do.
Rohan's sense of humor is unique. He pretends to be a total lady's man and it's actually really funny.
Kyle has kind of a childish sense of humor. But then again, all he does in that class is play online games.

I'm a hypocrite for that last comment; today I finished our recent assignment and ended up playing games online... Whatever!

My third class was chemistry. We learned stoichiometry today... which I actually understood! Craaazzyy. I'm not a fan of that class. I'm one of the four juniors in it and the rest are sophomores (I don't know why I originally typed freshmen... I guess they're just that annoying). But Ethan is in my class, which makes everything okay. I think our teacher knows we're dating, but she has never made it clear that she does. Like today, she told us to partner up, and she says to Ethan 'Do you wanna work with Camael?' and then walked away. So it wasn't actually a question. She's just an odd woman, but I do like her.
When Ethan and I were working on our mini-lab I found myself wanting to cry. It didn't make sense at all. And his brain shut down before class even started. We were screwed... but hey, we were screwed together.

When we were let out for C lunch, Ethan and I went to this really romantic place. High-class and crazy expensive. I don't know how many of you have heard of T`aco Belle, but I definitely recommend it for a date. It would make a really good impression.
After lunch Ethan dropped me back off at school and I went to English. I like my English class, I'm on of the very few who take it seriously, and there are some cool people in my class. Today, however, I wasn't in the most pleasant mood due to this thing called 'My back f*cking hurts' (I'm not sure how many of you have heard of this either, it's extremely rare). So I nearly lost it when the guy that sits in front of me purposefully knocked over my water bottle that was sitting on my desk. Who does that, really. I would have punched him in the junk so hard if it had been open (the bottle landed facing me). He would no longer be able to reproduce if that bottle had been opened.
So yeah, I don't know why, but that pretty much set the mood for that whole block.
When I got home from school I didn't have much to do. I got on Facebook, started reading other blogs, looked up the definition to "stoic"... Boring, I know. I also ate a tuna sandwich, and most of the delicious dessert my brother brought home from the Cheesecake Factory. I'm not actually sure what it is, though, so I'll probably drop dead any second. So long.
I've had this 'New Post' box opened for at least an hour. Sad. But I honestly couldn't wait until eleven or later to share my adventurous and spontaneous life with you. How could I deprive anyone like that? I couldn't bare the thought.

I've been playing with our new cat, Elliot, while typing this. He is five months-old and the cutest damn cat on this planet. My nickname for him is Elliot Stabler, because Law & Order: SVU is my drug. I love that show... Which shouldn't be okay, it's the most effed up show you can watch -but who cares?

how could I have possibly done this whole blog without taking breaks to melt in those copper eyes?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Day 1

This is my first blog. Ever.
When I still thought myspace was amazing, I 'blogged' random stuff that I didn't actually write. For example, I took a list of phobias from some website and highlighted the ones that applied to me. Looking back I now realize that I do not actually have any phobias; there is not one single thing that is scary enough to make me have panic attacks and start shaking like a puppy. And I also realize that it was not a blog at all. Silly me.

So I guess I'll bore you with my day now:

My morning was the same as others. My alarm periodically went off starting at 7:15am and ending at 8:00am. I, of course, did not actually get out of bed until 8:30 -when I got a call from my boyfriend confirming that no, he wasn't going to school today -due to his lack of sleep from ridiculous work hours- and that yes, he could still give me a ride (my parents either leave really early or much later and I don't get my license until next month). I quickly got ready, only taking about five minutes. I've recently broken up with make-up so it takes me a lot less time to get ready nowadays.
School itself was okay. I'm trying to complain about it less. In my first class, math modeling, we launched rockets -colored paper wrapped around a film canister- using alka-seltzer and water. To me, it was a huge waste of time -which is a blessing when you're in school- but to most of the people in my class it was this ridiculous competition because, for some reason, our teacher told us that if we got our rockets to go above the height of our portable we would be given an extra 100 for a quiz grade. I was fine with my 2-feet-flying rocket. It didn't phase me.
In my second and third classes, speech and health, I started new projects. My project in speech is a really cool idea, I'm not gonna lie, but I like everybody in my group except for one person. Do you know how annoying that is? Ugh. In health I started a project with my bestest guy friend, Minh. It's a project about the digestive system... Which honestly sparks no interest to me, but health is definitely the easiest class I've ever been in. I'd have to go out my way to fail it. Which would just be really douchey of me, or anyone, to do so.
During lunch, in the middle of health (known as B lunch at my school), I sat with my only friends from health: Minh and Marion -the cutest little French girl out there! Some of you may find it sad that out of an entire class I only have two friends, but that's just me. I don't like big groups and I hate pretending to like people just because everyone else 'likes' them. Even though I have not eaten lunch at my school since my freshman year (I'm a junior now), I thoroughly enjoy eating with Minh and Marion. I am able to express myself without being looked at like I have a giant booger coming out of my nose. I feel like there is a good balance among us. Anyways, my school recently opened up a Java City, a knockoff version of Starbucks, but with the same pricing. I find myself very much in love with their caramel macchiatos, which I ordered today, along with a sandwich. That sandwich is the reason I don't eat at school. I thought it would have been fine because I had tried this particular sandwich about a week ago and liked it enough to not complain... No, no, today, it was horrible. The sandwich consisted of cheese, turkey, lettuce, tomatoes (which I merrily took out and confined to solitude -meaning I just put them to the side), and chipotle sauce. I'm okay with things that are mildly spicy, I'm a Texan. However, the people who made this sandwich must have had something stuck up where the sun don't shine, because they took out their anger on the sandwich. With the chipotle sauce. Needless to say, I threw the second half of it away. How I managed to eat the first half? I do not know.
Thankfully today was a white day, meaning that I had blocks 5th-8th today (tomorrow will be an orange day: blocks 1st-4th), and I have 8th block off. Ethan, my beau, came and picked me up from school after a long day of sleeping and unfortunately, he had to drop me off at home because he had work. So there I was; at home with no homework and nothing fun to do.
So what did I do? My health project! I wish I was kidding. I should have lied and said that I went to a crazy party or something. Which wouldn't make any sense since it was about 3pm, and I'm just not a party-goer.
After I finished the project , which hardly took me anytime because I am a P.P.M. (Power Point Master), I had nothing to do again. I'll be up-front with you about this now, 'nothing to do' is a part of my daily life. You will read it frequently. You will get to the point of reading these and thinking 'I bet she had nothing to do after that, huh? God, she's so boring. -unfollow-'
After drowning myself in Facebook for however long, I ended up asking a friend of mine if she wanted to go to the gym with me. I honestly don't care to elaborate my experiences at the gym... I go workout and then I leave. Only every-now-and-then something at the gym will be blog worthy. Although I would like to announce that my curse of seeing the same old lady naked in the locker room was broken today. I was very happy about that.
When I got home from the gym, our family dog, Mustard, greeted me at the door since nobody else was home. The front door becomes his bestfriend when he's waiting for somebody to come home. I greeted him back and asked if he had been fed (this dog knows English, I swear), which caused him to get very excited. Before doing anything, I texted my stepmom to make sure he had not been fed already (he's on a very strict diet), and I let him go in the front yard to pee. He is about ten years-old now, so when he pees he doesn't actually lift his leg anymore. And it also takes him at least one full minute. I wanna say his record is close to five minutes. After that, I walked to the kitchen to find that he had gone through the trash. After working out and needing to feed myself, the last thing I wanted was to clean up a bunch of trash across my kitchen floor. Before doing so I made sure to tell him 'Bad dog!', and as his punishment he was only given his meds tonight, and no food. I do feel bad about that, but at the time of deciding this it felt so right, and very justified. That poor dog.
When my stepmom got home I discovered that the entire time I was at the gym, she was under the impression that I was at Jim's -an amazing restaurant where a good breakfast hardly costs four bucks! ~personal favorite~
Between then and now I have showered and drowned myself in more Facebook. Exciting.
I hope that you haven't thought about sending me hate mail from boredom.

To anyone out there who enjoyed it: I will try to blog as often as I can. Which will probably be on the weekdays mostly. My life is only lived on the weekends, in all honesty.

Thanks for reading my first blog, it'll get better. Maybe.